Some other things I learned while watching yesterday’s Kansas/Oklahoma State game:
- Marcus Smart is in DIRE need of ProActiv. Every time they did a close-up of him on the court his face, neck and arms looked like the back of a fucking toad. I was convinced it was some form of the measles but then I was like no way man, measles are damn near extinct these days. Oh, fuck.
- At one point the camera flashed to the crowd and zoomed in on Eddie Sutton. The real-life inspiration for Jeff Dunham’s puppet dude, Eddie’s always been an ugly bastard. But holy shit the booze has taken a toll on him. He looked like he’d been to Korea, got the clap, cured it, went to ‘Nam, got the clap, cured it, went to Stillwater, got alcoholism and then never cured it. While this brief bio is actually 99% true (he got alcoholism in Lexington), Sutton’s looking his age (117).
- Joel Embiid is the next great big man prospect, and just like the majority of the previous great big man prospects he’s going to be a never-ending injury. Embiid is freakishly athletic and tremendously skilled for a fucking giant and to save all the hyperbole you’ve heard on every ESPN college basketball show, the dude is scary good on offense which is almost always a weak spot for big men at this level. That being said, he fell awkwardly in the second half, wrenched his back and never looked to be healthy the rest of the game and you heard it here first- the rest of his career. People aren’t supposed to be that fucking big never mind basketball players. People honestly die from being that big so is it unreasonable that we can expect Embiid to squander his potential from various injuries? He’ll probably go #1 overall, not much question there, the real question is what body part(s) will be his undoing…Feet? Back? Knees? Shins?
- Despite their talent, Kansas will not make the Sweet 16. Unless Bill Self can pull of the coaching job of the century, this is not a title contender. Bill Self gets a freak class of Freshmen and he can’t do shit with ’em. People overlook Coach Cal’s coaching abilities saying he always has the best players but what they don’t understand is when they’re all young and inexperienced, talent only helps so much. Kansas turns the ball over WAY too much and the only thing some mid-major squad has to do to beat these guys is out rebound them.
- I’m tired of court-storming. I never thought I’d get to this point as it never was anything I gave two shits about but shit, act like you’ve been there before, bros.
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