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Lebron's much ballyhooed facial tire

Lebron’s much ballyhooed facial tire

As the late, great Rick James once said “The milk’s gone bad, Charlie Murphy!” Lebron James, everyone’s favorite villain…wait…he led the league in jersey sales last year? Oh, well…then all these “haters” must be buying his jersey just to burn it then, right? Maybe they needed to warm their homes, or clean their dumpers? Maybe they own a gerbil ranch and they need fabric for them to chew up and turn into beds and shit?

Or…maybe…Lebron’s without a doubt the most beloved NBA superstar, and possibly the most beloved athlete in the continental United States? (Dog the Bounty Hunter has that title on LOCK if we allow Hawaiian entrants) I think that’s the most likely of cases here, in fact, that’s a fact. Sure, I don’t like the guy because he’s as contrived as my memories of slaying Katy Perry, but I  wouldn’t say I’m a “hater” by any means.

He’s the best I’ve seen since Jordan, and he may eventually be the best all-around player ever. But just because I think his mask makes him look like a fucking retard (it’s 2014, you can only say the R-word if it really fits) does NOT make me a “hater.” It makes me a realist and at first I was slightly impressed as I thought this was a Lebron original. Then I learned that Kobe and Kyrie Irving had worn black masks in the past and I slapped myself for ever thinking the name Lebron could ever be linked to the word “original.” Unless you count “Lebron stole it from ______ who originally did it…”


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